“I could have caught it sooner”: what is a carer’s regret actually claiming?
Something from work that I keep returning to. One of our residents got worse overnight. Looking back, there was a sign at 2 a.m. that, in hindsight, meant he was seriously ill. I noticed it, it didn't seem much, I did not call the nurse on duty. By six he was much worse. He survived, but I have replayed that night many times.
Regret seems to need a "could". I would not regret the weather. So when I say "I could have caught it", what am I claiming? That with the same information, the same tiredness, the same corridor, a different decision was available to me? Or only that a different colleague, or a less tired me, would have done differently?
Those are very different claims. The first is about my freedom at 2 a.m. The second is about other possible versions of me, and I am not sure why I should regret what a different person would have done.
I don't want comfort, exactly. I want to know what kind of "could" regret uses, and whether it is ever true in the sense I mean when I lie awake.