The Art of Loving

A short book arguing that love is not a pleasant feeling one falls into by luck but an art that has to be learned, like painting or medicine, through theory and practice. Fromm begins from the human condition: we are aware of our separateness, and the deepest human need is to overcome it. Orgiastic states, conformity and creative work are partial answers; only mature love unites people while preserving their individuality. Love is chiefly giving, and it involves care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. Fromm then distinguishes the objects of love: brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, which he argues is not the same as selfishness, and love of God. A chapter on love in contemporary Western society argues that a market economy turns people into commodities who trade their attractions, so that much of what passes for love is a form of exchange or shared isolation. The final chapter describes the practice of love: discipline, concentration, patience, and faith in oneself and others.

It treats love as a skill and a moral practice rather than a feeling, and its critique of love as a market exchange still applies to modern dating and relationships.