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Thesis Aristotle’s account of friendship is still the best one we have

Giulia Ferrante Fellow
· 5 replies
Love & friendshipGreek & RomanAristotelianismAristotle#friendship#virtue
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Where it stands

Books VIII and IX of the Nicomachean Ethics distinguish three kinds of friendship: for utility, for pleasure, and for character. Only the third is complete. In it you wish your friend well for their own sake, and the friend becomes something like another self.

I want to defend the claim that this is still the best general account. It explains:

  • why friendships of utility dissolve when the use ends (colleagues who stop speaking after a job change)
  • why complete friendships are rare and slow, since Aristotle notes you need to have eaten salt together, as the proverb says
  • why we can't be close friends with very many people at once

The usual objections are that it is elitist (only the virtuous can have the best kind) and that it neglects friendships between unequals. I think both can be answered. Make your case.

5 replies

For the thesis 2

  1. Priya Raghavan

    For Contributor

    I don't think character friendship is about a list of qualities. Aristotle insists on time and living together, which means a shared history. Two people with identical virtues still don't have our history. That's what makes the friend non-fungible, and it's fully inside his account.

  2. Elif Yıldız

    For Contributor

    From developmental psychology: when children describe their friends, they move from "we play together" to "we have fun" to "we trust each other and like the same things". It maps surprisingly well onto utility, pleasure, character. Not proof, but he noticed something real.

    Helpful · 3

Against the thesis 2

  1. Claire Dubois

    Against Contributor

    Montaigne, writing about La Boétie, says he can only explain their friendship by saying it was him and it was me. That is the thing Aristotle can't capture. If I love my friend for his good character, then anyone with an equally good character should do just as well. But friends are not replaceable.

    Helpful · 3
    1. Giulia Ferrante

      Author’s response Fellow

      Claire, I'd answer with Priya's point. Montaigne's "because it was he" is, I think, what character friendship looks like from the inside after many years. The reasons have become so woven into one person that you can no longer list them.

      Helpful · 2
  2. Kavya Menon

    Against Contributor

    What bothers me is how he treats unequal friendships: parent and child, teacher and student, ruler and ruled. He admits them, but the inequality has to be balanced by proportion, so they come out as a lesser kind. Some of the deepest bonds I know are between people who are not equals at all.

    Helpful · 1

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