The Courage to Be Disliked

A popular book of philosophy and psychology written as a dialogue, in the manner of Plato, between a philosopher and a troubled young man over five nights. The philosopher presents the ideas of Alfred Adler, the Austrian psychiatrist who broke with Freud. The first night rejects the idea that past trauma determines who we are: on Adler's view we choose goals and use our past to serve them. The second night argues that all problems are problems of interpersonal relationships, and that feelings of inferiority are often used as excuses. The third night introduces the separation of tasks, in which we stop trying to meet others' expectations and stop interfering in their lives, and this is where the courage to be disliked comes in. The fourth night describes horizontal rather than vertical relationships, encouragement instead of praise or rebuke, and community feeling as the basis of belonging. The last night urges living earnestly in the here and now. The youth's objections give readers room to argue back.

It is an accessible introduction to Adlerian psychology and its bold claim that happiness depends on choices and relationships rather than on one's past.